You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
