just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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