i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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