): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
