at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Plan B is the new Plan A
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
