Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
