Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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