Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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