I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
