Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
