oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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