He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
