the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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