And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
