My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
