youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
