I think my vagina is haunted
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Found your dick twin last night
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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