Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
