she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
