Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
