He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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