I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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