I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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