THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We have started to decorate penises.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
