cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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