That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
