theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
