nut hugger
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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