I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
