We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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