i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize