I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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