Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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