Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
