why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
