Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
