tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
