Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
