ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize