If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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