Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
