I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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