How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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