so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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