I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
sex in a hospital.. check
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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