he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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