listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize