I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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