I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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