does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Never underestimate the power of titties
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
