UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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