they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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