remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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