It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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