I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
