My Higher Power is John Stamos
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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