redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
