ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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