Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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