Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
