Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
