So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm too high and old for this...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
