What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
