Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
